How to Talk Dating Like a Zoomer: Fifty-One Hyperspecific Words for Love, Intimacy and Questionable Conduct

The current period marks a full decade since the word “ghosting” entered the common lexicon. Initially, the notion that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a partner without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, seeking a significant other has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes unsuccessful exercise in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by online jargon.

Zoomers, a demographic who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their millennial elders could ever imagine. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive glossary to the terms this generation is using to discuss love, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

A

Genuineness – In the view of Zoomers, romance's gold standard is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend connected to a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is interested or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to seeking out someone who supports you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do low-cost romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie excess, it refers to couples who opt out of parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: practicing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Personal quirks suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. For instance calling their exes crazy, bad tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions affirm your choice to pursue a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, largely benign quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A band many young men is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and frequently trivial repulsions that instantly kill any feelings of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {